#37: Fuck The Facts - Die Miserable

Ottawa's Fuck The Facts are the first Canadian band to land on this year's list with their latest, Die Miserable (Relapse). Some bands have a live show that tends to be more intense than their recorded material. Not so in this case. I saw FTF play a living room show a few years ago (Yes, the same venue as the Toxic Holocaust show) and "intense" isn't an adequate word for describing the performance and atmosphere. It was almost frightening. On Die Miserable, the band manages to channel that intensity into album form. Describing the album isn't as easy as calling it grindcore, as FTF are generally categorized. It goes beyond anything that simple and straightforward. The seemingly erratic stops and starts and shifts fall together perfectly. The vision necessary to conceptualize the album and the ability to pull it off is a true testament to the talent found in Fuck The Facts. There is no room for weakness. It is also the most consistently heavy FTF album I've heard. Last year, I added a Standout Track to each of my blurbs for AOTY. I decided to forgo that this year mainly because I am an "album guy". But on Die Miserable, "Census Blank" stood out to me as the centrepiece of my listening experience of the album. With just over two minutes left in the track (It's over 7 minutes long. That's not grindcore length!) this monumental riff kicks in with another (tapped?) guitar part flickering around it. It's like Godzilla stomping through the city with a dozen mini-Mothras flapping around his head. I have to stop whatever I am doing and listen. I can't concentrate on anything else til the song is over. Those two minutes alone are enough to land the album on this list.

Fuck The Facts return to Kingston in late January. I can feel the intensity across space-time already.

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#38: Vreid - V

Not that I would consider myself a Black Metal rookie, but I will admit my fluency with the nomenclature of the genre is somewhat lacking. Hopefully I know enough that I can describe the fifth album from Norway's Vreid, simply titled V (Indie Recordings). I can't recall exactly how I stumbled upon V but since its February release it has been a near constant on my playlist. I think what keeps drawing me back to it is the feeling of motion it evokes. That feeling of soaring over desolate snow covered mountains appeals to me. The album is dominated by blasting rhythms and thunderous double-bass drumming that gallops along under some sweet tremolo picking. But it's not all full-on fury. The maelstrom is broken up in places by airy and sometimes almost folk-like passages. It brings to mind a vision of a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds to illuminate a bare spot untouched by the battle that rages all around it. The same contrast is heard in the vocals. The malicious, scathing yet decipherable screams take leave where appropriate for a talented clean voice. It's the clean singing that contributes to that folk feeling at times.  High quality, balanced production, tasteful and not overbearing atmospheric keyboards, and even some occasional acoustic guitar rounds out a sound that has inspired me to look deeper in to the history of Norwegian Black Metal.

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#39: Cannabis Corpse - Beneath Grow Lights Thou Shalt Rise

Cannabis Corpse's Beneath Grow Lights Thou Shalt Rise (Tankcrimes) is the first album on the list that I can imagine getting flack about. I can understand that people may not think it belongs on a Best Of list because it's not serious enough. But it is seriously fun. If you recall my Explanatory Blurb, one of my criteria was how often did I listen to it? In this case, that was lots. It's brutal death metal with just enough technicality to make things interesting and to assure you they aren't just dunderheads making noise. I will admit that their use of marijuana related puns based on classic death metal song titles may have had some effect on my decision to include the album though. But that's more of an attention grabber than anything as the music itself more than stands on its own. It's a bowl packed with sticky riffs and growls and screams that leave me green with envy. Cannabis Corpse may not rival Cannibal Corpse, but really they aren't that different. In the real world, I prefer cannabis to cannibals anyway. At the end of the day, did I mosh around the island in my kitchen? Yes. Was I prone to fits of uncontrollable air guitar? Yes. Did I thrust my hands to the sky and scream? Yes. Sounds like a winner to me! Now where's my bong?

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#40: Grayceon - All We Destroy

Two albums with female vocalists in a row! Awesome! And they won't be the
last either. It's also the second album on the list released by Profound
Lore Records. The March release date of *All We Destroy* has given me
plenty of time to absorb it. And I have absorbed it plenty of times. What
makes Grayceon so attractive is vocalist Jackie Perez Gratz. Not only is
her beautiful/terrifying voice a thing of wonder but she also plays cello!
The unorthodox trio is rounded out by guitarist/vocalist Max Doyle and
drummer Zack Farwell. The cello creates a smoothness in the music that even
a fretless bass couldn't achieve. It also helps to create the classical
feel of the album. The way the cello lifts the music, it makes it sound
like it is floating. This in turn makes me view the songs and parts of
songs as movements within the album as a whole. It's an experience I never
expected to have this year. It's also an album of contrasts. From Gratz's
clean/harsh vocals to the aggressive/pretty-calm movements to the fact the
there is a cello in a metal band (that's not Apocalyptica). As I said in my
Intro, FEEL is very important to me. The fluidity and airiness of *All We
Destroy* makes me feel good and the more aggressive passages make me feel
powerful. Life is about balance and for all they've destroyed, Grayceon has
created an album equally as enjoyable.
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#41: Dark Castle - Surrender To All Life Beyond Form

The Floridian duo of Stevie Floyd and Rob Shaffer have unleashed a doom metal beast of an album. Surrender To All Life Beyond Form (Profound Lore) is a richly atmospheric album I could scarcely believe was the work of just two people. Dark electronics, keyboards and piano join forces with the crunchy guitars to drag the listener down to the dungeons. It's a miserable and anguished sounding album. The male and female, harsh and clean vocals do nothing to change the mood to uplifting. In fact, Floyd's cries embody the desperation of the convicted locked in a black cell. Without a lyric sheet I can't tell much about the lyrical content but my best guess would be that it is as deep and dark as the mood everything else evokes. While I've heard Dark Castle described most as a doom band, STALBF is more than just that. Sludge and black metal rear their ugly heads and the electronics add some flavour atypical of most of the doom I listen to. Closing track "Learning To Unlearn"  could be the doomiest track on the album. It's molasses thick and sounds like it's threatening to stop altogether. But it trudges along as if it's resigned to surrender to the fate of slowly drowning in quicksand. Go ahead, surrender yourself.

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Top 40 Albums of 2011 "Explanatory Blurb"

Before I begin the countdown of my favourite albums of 2011, I have some 'splainin' to do. First of all, this isn't so much a Best Of list as it is a My Favourite list. No one pays me to do this blog so I feel no obligation to be unbiased. I guarantee there will be albums on this list that people will think shouldn't belong there. But that's too bad. I base this list more or less on three criteria. How much did I/do I want to listen to it? How difficult was it to take it off repeat and listen to something else? How did it make me FEEL? Each and every one of the albums on this list stirred something within me. Some made me mosh around the island in the kitchen or air guitar uncontrollably. . Some I turned to when I was feeling a certain way. Some made me thrust my hands to the sky and scream. The reasons may be different but they all affected me enough that I feel they need to be recognized for their achievements. I'll do my best to explain why as I count down My Favourite 41 Albums of 2011.

Yes, 41 is a strange number of albums. However, because I can never stop listening to new music, I stumbled upon an album that blew me away to enough of a degree that I couldn't help but include it. I had already committed to which albums would be included (I still don't have the order nailed down) so I just bumped it to 41. And no one can stop me!!! Muwahahaha! In an effort to prevent further delays and mistakes due to "freshness" (Re: Trivium - 2005), I won't be listening to anything new for a couple weeks at least. I will be writing a small piece about albums that I listened to too late or haven't had the pleasure of hearing yet. Albums that either have been critically praised or that I would have a high likelihood of enjoying and have thus far escaped my ears. (Deafheaven for instance)

Also of note. There were two albums released this year by artists that my brain is incapable of evaluating without bias. At some point along the way I will feature those releases without a formal ranking. I may even, if I get the time, make a list of albums that either sucked outright or just didn't do anything for me despite how others felt.

Finally, bear in mind that most of these ranks are quite fluid. That really goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway. And the majority of the time, I'm going without a lyric sheet. So if there is some crazy profound revelation buried in there somewhere, I probably didn't catch it.

Enjoy and PLEASE ARGUE with me! (But I'll still be right.)

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Comeback Album of the Year: Sepultura - Kairos

I don't think anyone can honestly contend that Sepultura without Max Cavalera is better than Sepultura with Max Cavalera. (Especially me, an unashamed Max-ophile.The Soulfly "Wings" logo was my first ever tattoo.) But I don't think Derrick Green-led Sepultura gets enough credit. He has been in the band longer than Max was after all. Needless to say, after 3 lackluster albums (Roorback, Dante XXI and (groan) A-Lex), the band's latest, Kairos (Nuclear Blast) raises the band back up to a certain level of respectability. Unfortunately the band's reputation has been tarnished enough at this point that they are no longer given a fair shot. Their second album to feature no Cavaleras sees them ditching the constraints of a concept album for something a little more straightforward. They've put together an album of solid, fairly catchy (groove) metal. Groove seems to be a dirty word anymore but, seriously, fuck, when did an album's ability to induce head-nodding and toe-tapping become a reason for derision? (Bear in mind, I have no tolerance for pointless guitar wankery, Sumerian sucks, and Meshuggah can kiss my ass.) After the cringe-worthy A-Lex, I'm really glad to see that Kisser and Paulo Jr. were able to use their undeniable musicianship and right the ship, as it were. The album is not without its faults, however. The Ministry cover, ("Just One Fix") while well done, was misplaced being in the middle of the album. It would have worked much better placed at the end. Similarly industrial influenced track, "Structure Violence (Azzes)" seems unnecessary to me. Without those two tracks the album could have been more concise and impactful. From what I hear, Sepultura covered Prodigy's "Firestarter" as a bonus track on the deluxe version. It wasn't included on the version I heard and I have been to absent-minded to find it anywhere. It could be interesting though.

I based this Comeback Album Award not on a return from tragedy, or near tragedy (the next Early Graves and Behemoth albums, respectively), or on a return from a long hiatus (Crowbar) but on producing an album that exceeded my expectations after the previous album's disappointment.  That's why I consider Kairos 2011's Comeback Album of the Year.

Fun Fact: I believe a (surprisingly glowing) review of the first two tracks released from A-Lex was the first ever Kingdom of Noise post.

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Close But No Cigar Part 4: Gridlink - Orphan

This is probably the hardest cut to my Top 40 Albums of 2011 list I've had to make thus far. The latest brainchild of masterminds Jon Chang and Takafumi Matsubara is 12 minutes of furious and savage ear-fuckery. Orphan (Hydra Head) is one of those albums you just have to put on when you are seething angry. Let the viciousness of it all flow through you as you attempt to "sing" along. I promise you will feel better afterwards. I took an anger management course once. One exercise we had to do was to bring in a song that characterized "who you are". I brought in a Gridlink song. You should have seen the looks on their faces! The look of incredulity on most of their faces was priceless. More than worth the time I wasted in the class. One guy said to me, "That's not music. There are two types of music. Country and Western." You can see what I was dealing with here. I digress. The counselor asked me why I felt that song embodied me. I told her that was what it was like in my head. (Hence anger management class) Furious. Mile-a-minute. Suffocating. Disjointed. Edge of collapse. Nothing nice to say, or at least, no nice what to say it. Full-on attack mode. Harmony? FUCK.THAT. I'm much better now, but I still very much enjoy the blitzing craziness Gridlink offers up on Orphan. I'm serious. If you are feeling stressed, throw this on, rage the fuck out for 12 minutes, and it'll be good times to follow.  If you are wondering why the album didn't make my Top 40 after such a ringing endorsement, it's basically a technicality. It's too short. I want MORE! It doesn't even get me all the way home from work. It helps me stay awake after a night shift. Those last 3-4 minutes when it's over are such a bummer. A longer album would vault it way up the list.

--
http://matthinch.blogspot.com/
www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com
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Close But No Cigar Part 3: Rotten Sound - Cursed

Round 3 of my Top 40 cuts finds Finnish grindsters Rotten Sound on the outside looking in. Their latest release, Cursed, (Relapse) is a 28 minute pummelling that deserves to make the Top 40. Unfortunately, 40 other bands delivered the goods as well. I've seen Rotten Sound referred to most often as a grind band but I think of them more as a Swedish (in this case Finnish) death metal band with hardcore sensibilities and on Cursed, a touch of Black Metal fervor. I first heard Rotten Sound on 2008's Cycles and my wife asked me, "What IS that?" (baffled, not intrigued) To which I responded with Rotten Sound. Of course. Her reply was "Yes it is. Rotten sounding." Nothing has really changed since then. Cursed sounds just as filthy, nasty and well, rotten as I would have expected. It barrels and stomps its way through 16 tracks relentlessly. It's a barn burner for sure. Trouble is, (and again I am trying to be nit-picky) it can be a little one-dimensional. But daddy loves that Swe-death tone! And really, coming in at just under 28 minutes, it is kind of impossible for the album to overstay its welcome. The March release date was both a blessing and a curse (hehe). It gave me lots of time to listen to it but with so many releases coming after it, despite it staying on my iPod all year, it kind of got lost in the shuffle until this past week. And even with bonus points for being vegetarian/vegan, that shuffling left Cursed closer to the bottom of the deck.

(Wow. That metaphor worked perfectly. I have 52 albums on my iPod right now.)

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Close But No Cigar Part 2: Toxic Holocaust - Conjure & Command

I know in my heart that Conjure And Command (Relapse) isn't Top 40 material but I had a hard time cutting it because listening to Toxic Holocaust is just so damn fun! Joel Grind and company don't really stray from the classic TH sound but the production seems a little beefier. It also feels crisper and more focused. At just over 32 minutes the album doesn't overstay its welcome but at the same time, it doesn't leave you pining for more.  Turn it on, crank it up, and rock the fuck out for hour and change. Almost exactly the time it takes to drive to work and back. Perfect. It's a great driving album. As far as the neo-thrash wave goes, Toxic Holocaust are one of the more talented and consistent bands leading the charge. However, as much as I like thrash, other metal genres tickled my fancy enough this year that TH has been left out in the cold. I saw TH perform at a living room show a couple years ago. It ripped my tits off. The energy and intensity of that show came through on Conjure And Command but it just wasn't enough this year.


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Close But No Cigar Part 1: Sourvein - Black Fangs

This is the first in a series of posts discussing releases that deserve Honourable Mentions but just failed to crack my Top 40 Albums of 2011.

The latest Sourvein release, Black Fangs, (Candlelight Records) is the first unfortunate casualty of my venerable Top 40 list. These black fangs sink in deep and deliver a venom that will turn your innards to sludge. The tone on this album is killer. It's so heavy, it could sink an oil tanker in the Dead Sea. But I've come to expect nothing less from Sourvein. I mean, former guitarist Liz Buckingham left to play with Electric Wizard, so what does that tell you? There was a time that I would be falling all over myself to heap praise on an album such as this. While I still enjoyed it quite a bit, my tastes have changed somewhat since the days that Man's Ruin (RIP) and Rise Above Records ruled my world. Since, at this point, I have to be nit-picky to find a reason this album didn't crack my list, I'll go with the vocals. The whiskey-soaked, wildman, forest-dwelling vocals of T-Roy Medlin (also of Hail!Hornet with Sourvein guitarist Vincent Burke) are buried a little too deep in the mix. At times I wasn't sure if they were actually on the album or if it was just the voices in my head. This works to great effect in some cases but I would like to have heard them a little more. All that being said, this album still makes me want to get high enough to give Pluto a big 'ole hug and say "It's okay, buddy. You don't want to be a planet anyway. They're a bunch of conformist dicks. I love you, man!"


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I'm Not Going To See Devin Townsend?

The Devin Townsend Project (We must be specific here) is playing a show a half hour drive from my house in a few weeks. I don't think I'll go. This seems like a form of blasphemy. We are talking about Hevy Devy. Playing a small club. Close to me. How could I NOT go? Well, here's a few reasons.

1) It's The Devin Townsend PROJECT.

2) It's NOT Strapping Young Lad.

3) They won't be playing Physicist in its entirety.(I fucking LOVE that album.)

4) It's not Ocean Machine: Biomech.

5) It's not Terria.

6) It's not Infinity.

7) It's not the Devin Townsend BAND. (Accelerated Evolution through The Hummer (I've never heard The Hummer.))

8) It's not Punky Bruster. (picture a couple dots over the "u". I can't do umlauts with this keyboard.)

9) It's not even Ziltoid.

10) It's NOT STRAPPING YOUNG LAD.

Now, I am sure they will play at least one or two songs that aren't part of the Ki/Addicted/Deconstruction/Ghost quadrilogy but that's not enough for me. I think Devin Townsend is an incredible artist, musician, and songwriter. I think he is a visionary legend of Canadian metal artists. But that doesn't make his music infallible. I applaud him for his drive and his ability to step outside of what is expected of him and create what he wants. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. The DTP never really did anything for me. Perhaps in the right environment, under the right circumstances, something might resonate with me (for instance, live and "enhanced").  But what little enjoyment I drew from those albums wasn't enough for me to make the monetary and time commitment necessary to attend the show. It's more like 45 minutes. Over 100km round trip.. Gas ain't cheap. You never know though. It might be on whatever night Glee is on and I might go just so I'm not in the same house as a TV that is showing it. But at this point I just can't see myself going. With my luck, it will totally kick ass and I will forever regret not going. Maybe I should go. When is it again? Well shit. I have to work that night anyway! That pretty much negates any need for my argument doesn't it?  Availability notwithstanding, the above reasoning still holds true.

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Leviathan - True Traitor, True Whore

A handful of years ago my Album of the Year List wouldn't touch Black Metal with a ten foot pole.  This year however, Black Metal will very likely be the most represented subgenre on the list. Thanks in no small part to the newest Leviathan release, True Traitor, True Whore (Profound Lore).  Being unfamiliar with sole member, Wrest's previous works, these fresh ears absorbed the album free of comparison.

The many layers of the album float through the consciousness in a fog of discontent. The listener can never really get comfortable as the different aspects are pulled to the surface. The way the varied instrumentation is mixed is extraordinary. It's not necessarily what is highest in the mix that garners the most attention. Each time through, a different feature presents itself making the album a dynamic listen even after several plays. Even when the album pulls back from the full black metal assault it still seeps with menace. Wrest has captured that tortured part of the soul and set it to music. True Traitor, True Whore can be seen as a voyage on a black sea of emotion. When the vessel is not drowning in malice, it drips with despair. Wrest's vocals (think chicken-carcass-in-a-meat-grinder/Dark Crystal bird monster with strep throat/monstrous feral beast) don't so much tell a story,as act as an atmospheric vehicle driving the album down into the twisted depths of the listener's psyche. The bleak psychedelics and ghostly howls mixed with the primitiveness of the the base emotions the album conveys make this a truly frightening album. It's not hard to imagine that those uninitiated to music of this ilk may well find themselves in the fetal position slowly losing their grip on sanity. That one man can create art of this impact from his heart and soul is very inspiring. I have to force myself to take it off repeat and return to reality. A reality that seems a little darker in the shadow of True Traitor, True Whore.


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Lou Reed & Metallica - Lulu

Attention Mono-theistic Religious Practitioners!! You want proof there is no God? Or at least proof that your god is not merciful? May I present to you.....Lulu!

The mere mention of a collaboration between Lou Reed and Metallica was sure to illicit a "Whaaaaaa?" from any self-respecting music fan. So it would only make sense that the resulting double disc (!) can be considered an abomination to auditory art.  This is beyond a matter of taste. This is just bad. So bad, in fact, that it warranted what may be my most extensive review to date. My original plan was to get drunk and/or stoned and just write down whatever came to mind. Things didn't work out that way and I had to stomach the album stone cold sober. That's probably a good thing. I don't know if I would have been able to stop laughing long enough to actually write something down. Instead, I just sat there with a look on my face that can only be described as a mix of dumbfounded, "Who farted?" and "Mommy, I'm scared."  This ordeal really tested my mettle.  It has made me realize just how strong I am. If I can endure this kind of torture four times, I should be able to handle anything. Except Country music. I just...I can't...every man has his limits.

So. As Samuel L. said in Jurassic Park, "Hol' on da ya butts."

"Brandenburg Gate"

Is he just name dropping movie titles? Based on classic literature? Does he mean to make us think he sounds smart?  This almost has a Country feel. That may explain why I hate it so much.  Admittedly, the way the drums punctuate the "small town girl" part is rather catchy. Not good catchy though. More like accidental-fish-hook-to-the-ear catchy. The album is more or less a first person narrative. So the "I'm just a small town girl" line is really setting the stage for the theme of the album. Which I believe is about Lulu's (Jaymz' pet name for Lou Reed) homosexual/transsexual nature.  They're really not doing themselves any favours by putting the worst vocal performance in history on the lead track.

"The View"

Oh good! Someone wrote a song about the talk show! Finally! More spoken word and less singing from Lou is a good thing.  Well, the lesser of two evils. Still horrible though. They do realize that no one respects Shatner's spoken word crap, right? There is no sense jumping on that bandwagon.  I am the table! The view! The root! The progress! The aggressor! The ten storeys! It's like the scene in Anchorman when Brick is just saying he loves random objects. What the fuck does all this mean!?!?!? I am the stapler!! The frying pan!! The carrot!! I am! I am! I am the washing machine!! The rusty hubcap!!! The main riff in this song isn't really all that bad. But the Riff Baby of Hendrix and Iommi couldn't save this mess.

"Pumping Blood"

Were the first two minutes of this song really necessary? Is any of this really necessary? Dog prostitute? What? Do people actually have to pay the dogs that fuck them? What does a dog need money for? "Come on Jaymz!" Fuck that dog! I want my money's worth! Dog prostitutes aren't cheap!  Is this song entirely ad-libbed? This couldn't be planned could it? Jack! Jack! Who's Jack? Jack! He's beseeching you! Answer the man! Jack! He wants a handjob! Jack!  "like a coloured man's dick, blood is spurting from me." What the FUCK!? I am really fucking confused. Jack! Jack!

"Mistress Dread"

This almost sounds like Metallica! St. Anger Metallica but Metallica nonetheless. Aaaand there's ramblin' Lou. "I'm a woman who likes men". See! I told you something was going on here. Now he's talking about bondage and S&M stuff. I think. Yeah, yeah, that's what's happening. Nice. "I am Mistress Dread" Am I missing something here? Is Lou Reed gay? Is this just some weird role playing thing? Is this the wild side? I think they played pretty much the same riff the whole song. The song is less than seven minutes long and it's over six minutes too long.

"Iced Honey"

Ah fuck me. This is the one that gets stuck in my head. And Louise is trying to sing again. Was this a Reload b-side? "Make others feel like jam on charbroiled lamb." What? Who the fuck puts jam on meat?! Jam goes on a sandwich, or toast! Sometimes I put it on pancakes but not MEAT!  Would you put BBQ sauce on toast? No! Should Norma Jean put out their own jam now? Oh God, The Grape Jelly? Wait a minute. Iced honey? Who ices honey? It's really much better in a liquid state. Honestly, who listened to these vocal takes and said "Great work lads! Nailed it! No no, that's perfect! Gold baby, gold!" (sticks sharp object in ear)

"Cheat On Me"

I think I might hate this song the most.  Sometimes I'll hear pop music on the radio or whatever and change the lyrics to make it sound (even more) stupid or ridiculous. Ex. Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" becomes "Why'd ya hafta go and make me so constipated? I can't shit now. And I push and I groan and I might pass out now...." Lots of fun. So in this case, I change "Why do I cheat on me?' to "Why do I smell like pee?" You smell like pee because you're 104 years old and you forgot to change your fucking Depends!! The three boxes of wine you had this morning soaked right through your panties. He just said he loves men. Again. I'm really starting to think this is just a big coming out of the closet party for all five of these cats. Has Lou Reed always been gay and I just didn't know because no one gives a fuck about Lou Reed? Am I naive or ignorant or right?  Wow, Jaymz (I have to spell it that way when referring to Lulu because that's the way Louann said it in "Pumping Blood".) is pulling these vocals straight from Load isn't he?! I'm never going to be able to listen to "Hero Of The Day" again now. "Why do I smell like pee?" Maybe you have a urine fetish? Fuuuuuuuuck! This song is going nowhere!! 11+ minutes of fuck.all. Uh, "you love me zero" isn't even a proper sentence. Even I know that and I suck at English. But it's true. I love you zero. We all love you zero. Less than zero actually. We love you negative.

"Frustration"

Ah yes. That feeling I had all of disc one rears its ugly head again. And it's even a song title. And another song with a completely useless intro. And more music that just sounds like toss away riffs from Load/Reload.  "Spermless like a girl." In general, yes, they are. I don't know of any girls that produce sperm.  Thank you, Mr. Obvious.  Did he just say something about prickless? Spermless and prickless. Is he talking about a eunuch? Or is he a eunuch? An old, drunk eunuch that keeps falling over. Dude seems pretty conflicted. I'm worried he might do something crazy. Like make a directionless, double disc collaboration with Metallic..ah shit. The incessant repetitiveness of every song is unforgivable. And I thought St. Anger's faults were bad.

"Little Dog"

Great. Another eight minute song. Another retarded (I'm done with being PC at this point) soft, stringed intro. Is that supposed to be a riff or is he just tuning his guitar? Good god, this "guy" is a sick little fucker ain't he? A dirty, dirty old man that has to pay for sex. With dogs. Little dogs. 5:30 in and that guitar is still being tuned. Did someone forget they hit "record"? Pathetic little dog? How about pathetic excuse for a song.

"Dragon"

Oh 11+ minutes!! Happy day!! Formulaic opening. Stupid guitar noises and an old man rambling semi-coherently. Is this supposed to sound like poetry? It sounds like shit to me. Here's some poetry. Roses are red, violets are blue. Instead of this, I'd rather eat poo. Red star of idiocy! You bet! Everyone involved in this is an idiot! Even the guy at the printers that hit "Start" on the machine that printed the sleeves! All idiots!! I'm an idiot for listening to it! You're an idiot for reading this review!! I have a RATM patch with a red star on it. Now I have to burn it.  What the hell is he going on about now? Smelling armpits and tasting vulvas in the same thought pattern is rather weird. At least he's back to humans. Do dogs have vulvas? Who says vulva anyway? Alright, buddy is getting pretty sadistic now. I've heard pornogrind that's more conservative than this. The violent gay sex theme of this album is really disturbing me now. I'm OK with "love is love" and all but keep it in the bedroom boys. For that matter, this would be disturbing if it was straight sex. Lou Reed with anyone is a disturbing thought. Have you seen this guy? Moldy prunes feel bad for him. PLEASE SHUT UP ALREADY!!  The fact that I haven't loaded a gun by this point is a real testament to my self-control and tolerance for torture. Not that I would kill myself over this sorry excuse for music. No,. Just everyone who put their stamp of approval on this. And I'm a BUDDHIST. That's how much this sucks. It makes a Buddhist contemplate murder.

"Junior Dad"

Last one. The Marathon of Awful is almost over. But this song is 19 minutes long!! I'm all for long songs (Dopesmoker!!) but I can guarantee this song could be cut down to less than four minutes and it would still be too long.  Would you believe I am forgoing reading A Storm of Swords to write this review? Monumental sacrifice. I guess I deserve the Red Star of Idiocy then, don't I?  None of this makes sense!! Monkeys?! How did monkeys get dragged into this? Jack! I beseech you! Leave the monkeys out of this!!  What does this Junior Dad shit mean? It could be inferred that there is a Senior Dad. Correct? Maybe that's all part of this chickenhawk thing. The "young man" is Junior Dad and Louie is Senior Dad. "Whooz yo Daddy?" "You Daddy" OK, now switch! "I'm the Daddy now!"  Oh shit. I've gone bat shit crazy haven't I? I can't believe how uselessly long this song is!! If it had movements or something I might understand but it's just repeating!  Oh, interlude time. Because it wasn't boring enough already. Uh, four minutes of strings. I don't think this is an interlude anymore. Six minutes. I've never actually made it this far into the song before. Hold on! It's almost over! Wait for it...nothing. It just ends. Just nine minutes of soothing strings to almost make you forget what the rest of the album was, I suppose.

Seriously, how does a record like this make it to completion? People are actually proud of this?  How many people up and quit because they couldn't stand to have their name attached to this rubbish? How many people had a gun to their head? The combination of everything is just awful. Bad lyrics, worse vocals, pointless repetition, pointless repetition, pointless repetition. They must have had a Department of Redundancy Department to ensure the redundantness of the redundant redundancies. The department head was Jack, of course. Jack!

I want to cry. For many reasons but foremost because people will actually buy this. What does that say about society? "Society" will buy whatever crap they think they should buy. That's what it says. WAY too much time and resources have been wasted on this. Not just MY time, but Reed's, Metallica's, that of the producers, engineers, design artists, factory workers, the trees that became the paper, the air and water that fed those trees, the raccoon piss that soaked the ground those trees grew from, the primordial vegetation that became the oil that became the plastic. All wasted. The fact that it is intended to be a sincere piece of art makes it that much more tragic. What's worse is that it can actually be kinda catchy. But not in a good way, like the old Hockey Night In Canada theme, or catching a homerun ball. No. More like catching an STD or a tick! Yes, a tick. A tick must be removed carefully and completely. Any bit left could get infected and fester and leave you with a terrible disease. Now that I am just about finished with this "review", Lulu must be carefully and completely removed from my brain and my hard drive. Delete. Confirm delete. Empty Recycle Bin into the fiery pits of hell. Burn now tainted Recycle Bin. Bury ashes of Recycle Bin and designate as Indian burial ground to scare off and protect the innocent.  I just hope that this doesn't create a fad of irrelevant thrash bands teaming up with washed up, tone deaf old men who look and sound like wino junkie raving lunatic street preachers. If so, I may have to set myself on fire.

what.the.fuck?

MetalMatt

www.twitter.com/MetalMatt_KofN

The mighty BISON BC return to Kingston!! (at The Mansion)

October 20th, 2011. The day Bison BC returned to Kingston, ON. It was almost 3 years ago when they last (and only?) played here.  I remember the day clearly. It was Saturday Nov. 8, 2008. I was supposed to work that night but luckily I took the night off. Righteous. Trouble is, it was my 30th birthday and my wife planned a party for me. FUCK!! But the party's at AKA! With Bison!! (shakes fists at sky)  This was shortly after Quiet Earth was released. That album (which made my Top 5 that year) greatly increased their recognition in the underground metal scene. When Dark Ages was released in 2010 it pushed Bison to an even higher level (#2) across the board and I figured my chances of seeing them perform live were done. Traveling to Toronto or Montreal isn't in the cards for me much anymore. (One show since the inaugural SOTU tour) But, BUT! The metal gods smiled on me. They brought Bison back to Kingston.

As always, I like to say a little something about the opening bands. Unfortunately, my capacity for coherent thought was hampered by the joint I smoked before I went in to the show. I'll do the best I can.

Severence led off the night. They also led off the last show I was at but I missed them. I was too busy trying not to totally freak out. (Advice: Kingdom of Noise does not recommend the use of high powered energy drinks and marijuana simultaneously) They weren't that bad really but I think my tolerance level was abnormally high. (he he, I said high) No, it definitely was. Whatever the case, I couldn't help but think they sounded like a mashup of say, Godsmack, Protest The Hero and The Black Dahlia Murder. In so much as a varied vocal style (I can't say range) and an apparent inability to play the same riff more than once in a row. At times it bordered on crabcore. One guitarist, whom I dubbed Stiffler due to both his appearance and personality, kept doing that fucking pigeon neck thing. I hate that. BANG IT!! He was probably doing that so his cockeyed backwards ballcap didn't fall off. FUCK! I guess my tolerance wasn't that high after all. In the most spot on appropriate moment of the day, the band announced they had one more song, then, while they were sippin' beers/adjusting hats/shouting Go Leafs Go!, the house music came on and they didn't get to play their last song. Severence. I almost laughed out loud but I feared if I started, I'd never be able to stop.

I wanted to write more about the next band, Ponderous Chain, than Severence but I think my high peaked during their set and I got lost in it. On the progressive side of death metal. Proficient without being overly technical. The vocals were that kind where he kind of just screams somewhat randomly. They don't follow the flow of the music. That's not uncommon these days and at least he didn't try and mix in too many clean vocals. Some, but not too many. They did have some "mosh parts" but they had just as many passages where they chilled out a bit and let the guitars wander. My buzz liked those parts. Lead Guitar was wearing an Opeth shirt which surprised me not at all. I could hear some influence. (Not that mess Heritage though) I wouldn't be surprised by an affinity for Meshuggah either. I would be interested to hear their stuff while sober. I was interested enough to extricate myself from the chair to get a better look so that's a positive for them. At one point during their set, I came up with a description of their sound that blew my mind. I didn't think I was capable of stringing together such a profound series of words. Dreams are made of that description. If there was a Pulitzer for phrases such as it was, I would have won. But, I totally forgot.

Toronto duo I, Emperor were in the direct support slot. While they weren't the best openers of the night, they did have to travel so I guess that's why they get it. I was having a very difficult trying to categorize this band. I still am really. Art-metal speed punk? indie-core? I don't know. They were well practiced and very passionate. They had PA issues a couple songs in, and the show was already running 30-40 min behind. I had started to come down and the loss of momentum bummed me out. I lost focus and just started people watching. Us metalheads are a weird lot.

Vancouver's Bison BC have become one of my favourite bands. Especially Canadian band. As intense and their recorded work is, I have heard their live performance notches that up a ton.  Their performance at The Mansion in Kingston did nothing to change that impression.  As with some of the great bands that I have seen, I can tell they are a touring band by the feel of the show. This is their arena. Not the studio. They didn't stick to note for note rehashings of the songs as heard on the CD. They could jam out passages, pulling the audience along, holding us above their heads waiting, waiting, and then slamming us against the rocks with fury. That's just the way they are. If Bison wants to just bowl you over they will. If they want to toy with you a bit first with beautiful instrumental passages before the destruction is wrought, they will do that too. It all makes for some pretty interesting headbanging. I'm sure some people were having fun at my expense as threw my body around in time with the onslaught. Said onslaught was quite varied as far as material goes. I'm a little rusty on Earthbound, and less so on Quiet Earth but I think they hit all three albums. My memory is horrible for song titles but I did remember a few. They played what might be my favourite Bison tune, "These Are My Dress Clothes" along with, I believe, "Slow Hand of Death". Dark Ages songs included "Melody, This Is For You" and "Stressed Elephant" as well as set closer "Fear Cave". The rest of the songs have been lost to broken synapses. It makes no difference to me what they played. It's all killer. Part of the problem might have been due to my positioning at the stage. I couldn't hear Dan's vocals at all. I might have been able to at the back but I was having way too much fun self-inducing whiplash in range of being brained by James' guitar. It was unfortunate there wasn't a better turn out for the show. However, I have resigned myself to the fact that Kingston as a city doesn't hold bands such as Bison BC in as high regard as I do.  Hopefully it doesn't deter these East Van road dogs from making their way back to the Limestone City. In less than three years would be nice too. Then again, I had no idea what was going on behind me. Nor did I care. I was RAGIN'!!

Oathbreaker - Maelstrom

You may remember my theory about the relationship of ad size to band quality. The bigger the badder. Well, a few weeks ago I was reading a George R.R. Martin novel and thought to myself, "Oathbreaker would be a cool band name". Literally minutes later, I open Decibel Magazine and a FULL PAGE ad for Oathbreaker is staring back at me. Oh great, not only did they steal my band name but they probably suck too. Thankfully, there are exceptions to every rule. And my theory is falling farther and farther apart.

I like the word maelstrom. I also like the word plethora. I get to use both in describing Maelstrom the album. Basically, the album contains a plethora of songs exhibiting a maelstrom of intensity which assaults the listener from all sides. There you have it! What? More words? Now? It's 6:30am! Fine.

I can't help but draw comparisons to Landmine Marathon but the similarity is really quite superficial. Both are fronted by a female who can scream her ass off and both can knock your socks off. But while Landmine can bring the doom and lean more towards the death metal end of the spectrum, Oathbreaker convey more of a hardcore feel. I can also hear some touches of black metal infusing itself in mix as well.  Also, vocalist Caro doesn't sound as much like Grace Perry as much as a hybrid of Angela Gossow and Dee Prescott of the now defunct I Hate Sally (who also happened to have some hardcore flavour).

I did read something comparing them to Converge which isn't terribly far off but Oathbreaker seem  a little more to the point. I've listened to it a bunch of times and I am still having a hard really putting words together to describe it. Intense and heavy hitting. Would be great live I imagine. Although I could do without the ballad at the end but it does feature a different side of Caro in which her banshee scream turns in to a very nice voice!

Napalm Death live in Kingston,ON Oct 3,2011 Review

This show was a shining moment for live underground extreme music in Kingston.  I've seen some great shows in town but we're talking about NAPALM FUCKING DEATH here people!! It doesn't get much more legendary for club shows in towns the size of Kingston.

But first, the openers.

Severance were the first band to hit b the stage this night. However, I was sitting in my car scarfing a veggie sub trying to satiate my munchies and letting my pupils return to a somewhat normal state. They are opening for Bison b.c. next week so maybe I will catch them then. I'll try and show up earlier and get my "veggie sub" out of the way before the doors open.

No Russian followed up. I believe I only missed one tune if any. And this is really all I have to say: Performing deathcore must be more fun than listening to deathcore. And I was stoned. They looked and sounded like a bunch of apes. Especially the vokillist. (That's how the kids spell it nowadays, right?)

Direct support came from a band called the Polidicks. This is the perfect band to play before Napalm Death. While a little more punk than grindcore, they held to the same ideals like anti-violence, human rights etc. At least from what I could gather from the between song banter. He was screaming enough I couldn't make out much else. And, I was still stoned. They said they hadn't been on stage together in two years but you'd never know. They were really tight. I think opening for Napalm might have brought out the best in them. The vocalist said at one point, "If you had told me 10 years ago when we started this band that we'd be opening for Napalm Death, I'd have slapped you." I am sure it was an honour and a privilege to share the stage with such a legendary band and obviously big influence on them.

Now what we paid for. Grindcore legends, pioneers and gods, Napalm Death.  Would the extreme music landscape look anything like what it does without Napalm Death? I highly fucking doubt it.  If you do doubt it, read Albert Mudrian's amazing book Choosing Death: The Improbable History of Death Metal and Grindcore. Then we'll talk.  Speaking of history, Napalm's set ran the gamut of their discography and beyond. Barney Greenway (whom I will fawn over momentarily) told us they were going to play "some really old shit, some really new shit and a bunch of shit from in between." During a quite extensive set, they played classics such as "Scum", "Suffer The Children" and "Nazi Punks, Fuck Off!" up to newer songs like "Life and Limb" all the while never showing their age at all. But wait! In addition to the songs we know and love, we were treat to two covers! The first was a Cryptic Slaughter cover and the second was a Siege cover. When Greenway said they were covering Siege, some kid who looked young enough he couldn't even vote, just about lost his shit with excitement. Good on ya, kid. But that's not all! According to Mr. Greenway himself, we were given a special treat. Being the first stop on the tour, they played "a brand new song, for the first time. Ever. Anywhere." The song was called "Quarantine" and if it is any indication of what the new album (that he said they just finished up) will sound like,it's gonna be bloody brilliant!

Having never seen Napalm Death live, I was amazed by Greenway. His signature bark was even more intense live. He performed like a man possessed. I loved it. He embodied the hardcore punk aesthetic and channeled his frustrations with the world into his screams. All the while pointing his finger so we knew we'd best be paying attention. At one point, while trying to think of how to describe his sort of build-and-release stage presence, I couldn't help but liken him to that neighbour that the kids used to torment. And you could see him getting more and more physically angry and frustrated. Holding it in, because they're just kids. But he just can't take it anymore and explodes into a tirade. The difference here is, Greenway's pressure buildup=>explosion was full-on right from the opening bell and happened between every line he sang. Glorious.

As electrifying as he was, we musn't forget the living legend himself, bassist Shane Embury. After watching him play, (and hearing him on countless recordings) I should just give up now. I'll never be that good. Nor would I ever be as good as drummer Danny Herrera or guitarist/backing screecher Mitch Harris. (Who looks a lot like my parent's old neighbour who works at Costco but shorter and with longer hair. Weird.) None of those guys let up the whole time. The whole band just clicks and delivers. I mean seriously, when Scum was released, I was still a few months away from turning 9 and I wouldn't be able to play with the kind of sustained intensity that these guys do. If you have the chance to take in this experience, fucking do it. They're touring across Canada RIGHT NOW! Get out to a show!

Legen.....(wait for it)......dary!

And yes. The played "You Suffer".

Inspired by Girls Who Don't Really Like Metal

Inspired by this article on Metal Sucks, I've preempted by Napalm Death live review to bring you a few words about girls and metal. At least from my perspective and opinion.
First, my wife doesn't like metal. She doesn't pretend to like metal. The only metal she likes is a couple Rob Zombie tunes and that's not even metal. Thankfully, she doesn't like Country Music either. Otherwise, I wouldn't have married her. So, I got to thinking, if I wasn't married what would I think of "metal chicks"?
a) Most of the young women I see at metal shows are too young for me anyway. I'm an old man now. More grey hair than black but not really because of age. With a hat on, I still get ID'ed sometimes. Anyway,...

Would I want to have a girlfriend/wife that loved metal as much as I do? I don't really know. On one hand, it would be really great to listen to Black Metal at breakfast, and Death Metal at dinner, Sludge at supper etc. I would have someone to watch my Immolation DVD with, a reason to get my old Sepultura VHS tapes out of the garage, and not have to listen to the crap on the radio all the time. But on the other hand, she would want to go to all the metal shows with me, right? Do I want that? Will she DD? Metal shows are kind of my escape. A night out by myself to let loose. I don't even have to drink or get high. I just rage. I end up sore for days but I have a good time. I don't go out and shoot pool or hang out a sports bar with my friends. I just go to metal shows. So, if my wife were to come to all those shows too because she was a "metal chick" what would I do? Not hang out at a sports bar alone, that's for sure.
If my wife liked all the same stuff I do, (metal, sports, sci-fi/fantasy, logging etc) would I find that sexy? Or would it feel like just having a female best friend that you sleep with? Ya sure, I get frustrated sometimes that I can't talk to her (or anyone really, I'm kind of isolated in terms of like minded friends) about the amazing new Krallice album, or how much I hate the Yankees, or Arthur C. Clarke's Rama series, or how I need a new chainsaw chain etc. but say she didn't LIKE the new Krallice album, then what would I do? I think this way, where I have my own shit, and she has hers, is better in the long run. Sure, I have to listen to Selena Gomez (kids) and Adele (wife) and I can't watch every Chicago Blackhawks game on tv but I love my wife just the way she is.
Besides, I don't know about other guys, metal nerds or not, but I am not automatically attracted to a woman just because she is wearing a Skeletonwitch t-shirt or has rad tattoos. It helps, but if she's not attractive, she's not attractive. Plain and simple. A musical preference isn't going to change that. Also, for me anyway, too much makeup is a turn off. And I see lots of makeup on the faces of the bodies wearing some of those shirts.
I guess what I am trying to say is, it would be cool if my wife liked metal. Just not as much as me.

As far as the article goes. I really hope it's tongue-in-cheek. Otherwise, it's bullshit. I believe women can love metal just as much as guys. I "know" lots of them. I see lots of them. Killing themselves in the pit with the rest of us. Girls don't voluntarily get beat up so guys notice them. That doesn't make sense. "Hey, I have a black eye and a bloody nose. Wanna make out?" No, thanks.
Granted, there ARE people, women and men alike that think it's cool to wearing Maiden shirts and the like without knowing anything about the band. To whom I would refer to this video.

Did I make any sense or did I just waste some of my precious time? Hey, whatever happened to Most Precious Blood?

More Wasted Bandwidth

I've got two megabite buster for ya. Maybe 3. Or 4.

 

Opeth - Heritage: I've never really like Opeth to begin with. But there was a time I didn't like Black Metal. And now I like all kinds of Black Metal bands. But that is not the case here. Opeth took pretty much all the things I liked least about them and made a whole album of it. Proggy stuff, clean singing, instrumental passages blah blah BORING!

 

Kittie - I've Failed You: No no, Hunny. You haven't failed me. For you to have failed me, I would have to actually expected you to accomplish something. I didn't expect anything at all. In fact, because I was actually able to listen to the whole album without tossing my iPod in the river means you exceeded expectations. That's not a failure at all!

(June 2023, sorry about "hunny". I've evolved as a person and wouldn't say that now. Shouldn't have said it then but I assure you it wasn't meant to be demeaning at any time. Just could have chosen better.)

 

 Chelsea Grin - My Damnation: Fuck me. Bombarded by breakdowns. I don't think these dudes would be able to masturbate. They can't keep a rhythm going long enough.

 

Anthrax - Worship Music: I'm confused. Do they want us to worship music? Or are they saying this is music to worship to? Whatever the case may be, the album is crap. It's practically not even thrash! And that Refused cover is a goddamn abomination.

There Is Always Another Way Out

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I should be blogging about something good. Like my second daughter starting school. But sometimes the impetus to express oneself in words is brought on by events of tragedy rather than of triumph.
 
A friend and former band mate took his own life this past week. I haven't seen or talked to him in many years but the news is weighing heavy on my heart nonetheless. I've been lucky enough not to have known very many people that have taken this path to another life. It's not something I care to get used to. One suicide is one suicide too many.
 
Another friend and former band mate broke the news to me. They were best friends. As is often the case, even those closest didn't see it coming. As I've spoken to him, he told me that the deceased seemed like he was on top of the world. It was "all good" and there was nothing that sent up any flags. Apparently he did have a bit of an issue with painkillers after a motocross accident but not to the extent that it was feared this would happen. Like I said, his BEST FRIEND didn't see this coming.
 
Which got me thinking about the nature of suicide itself. I have a hard time wrapping my head around how people can go so far as to believe that suicide is the only way out. And I am no stranger to the concept. I've been to the bottom of the pit of despair. I know what it feels like to be surrounded by the slick walls of pain and loneliness. To feel like you have nothing to grab on to and no one will ever be there to pull you out. But deep down in the bottom of my heart, I knew that there were people out there that cared about me. That cared about me a great deal. That LOVED me. And I knew that if I resigned myself to thinking I would never get out, that the only way to escape the pit would be to put myself in the ground below it, that it would cause more pain and loneliness to those that loved me than I would ever feel myself.
 
That's why I find it so hard to understand when people actually do take their own lives. Because everyone has someone that loves them. Everyone has someone that wants nothing more than to see them happy. Sadly, sometimes people hold their eyes shut so tight, they can't open them up again to see that. They've blinded themselves to the door that is right in front of them. The other way out.
 
I suppose some people feel that they are a burden to others. That by choosing to remove themselves from this life, they are somehow doing "us" a favour. Their notion of putting others ahead of themselves has been twisted somehow. Somehow they fail to realize that those they are trying to "free" are actually the ones that will hurt the most. It's a harsh reality, but when it comes right down to it, suicide is a selfish act. (Unconsiously selfish) It's putting your pain and suffering, your needs, ahead of all others. When the true way to happiness is by putting the pain, suffering and needs of others ahead of your own. But it happens everyday. And each one is just as sad and tragic as the next.
 
I can't begin to know what reasons my friend had for ending his own life. Even his best friend was blindsided. In the end, his suffering in this life has ended. I can take some small solace from that. But it just means the cycle of birth, suffering, sickness and death begins anew for him. I pray that in some way, his return is able to enrich the lives of those he left behind.  My heart of hearts goes out to his family and friends in this most difficult time.
 
RIP Dude. You were part of some of the most exciting years of my life and I will never forget that.

Engineer - Crooked Voices

My posts have been far too infrequent as of late. Part of that is because I've been following more metal writers and I honestly feel a little inadequate compared to them. So in an attempt to stay active, I'm not going to worry so much about long involved reviews. I'm just gonna let you know what my first (or second or third) impressions are. And if it's really good, and I feel inspired, I will stretch out.

 

Engineer - Crooked Voices

 

I listened to this on the "recommendation" of a banner ad. First mistake. I have come to think that the size of the ad is inversely proportional to the awesomeness of the album/band it is promoting. Bigger ad= shittier music. The harder the label pushes, the less the music really speaks for itself. In general. This isn't in stone. (Have you seen the size of Devildriver ads?!) I digress. Anyway, I saw a banner ad, and I thought "Engineer. That sounds familiar. D-beat HC maybe? Or more Neur-Isis?" I couldn't really pin what I thought it would sound like. At least with words. In my mind was different. My mind was bang on. I'm no good at descibing this style but it did sound familiar. As in, it slotted right in the genre box that I pictured. It sounded like a dozen other bands. I heard flashes of Norma Jean, maybe a little The Chariot (stylistically. I don't know anything about their religious leanings) perhaps Architect? And other bands l picture with beards, (non-stupid) hoodies and flexible day jobs. I mean it's not bad. It's burly. There is screaming. It's not too chaotic. But there was really nothing there that is calling me back. Who knows? I may be passing over a gem because the light isn't hitting it the right way. But, I have a pocket full of jewels and I can't stop looking for new ones.  Can't spend too long in the same place. Someone else may get there first. My metaphor is collapsing.

Trivium - In Waves

I'm going to make this short and sweet. I've already wasted enough of my precious time by actually listening to it. You may fire when ready.

This sounds very familiar. Oh that's right. This dead horse and been beaten countless times by talented guitarists without a shred of originality.

And it sounds like just about every other Trivium album.

The harsh vocals are uninspired. The clean vocals are weak and whiny.

There is clean and harsh vocals. Metalcore bad/goodcop style.

18 tracks? Really? I thought Track 1 was just on repeat.

Nothing really grabbed my attention about this. I mean it. When I first listened to it, I was cutting grass. Mindless pacing back and forth. And In Waves failed to distract me even once.

The best track is the Sepultura cover. (Slave New World) Nothing special about it either. Note for note reiteration. Good choice though.

Somehow, I listened to it 3 times. That's 3x68 mins of my life I will never get back. In this case, I'm so glad I rarely have the time to dedicate solely to music. I got the grass cut, the kitchen cleaned and some reading done.

68 mins! That's a long time to listen to the same handful of riffs and chugs recycled ad nauseum. Somehow, random bits would get stuck in my head. And it annoyed the hell out of me. Catchy does not equal good.

Honestly, if you are even reading this, then you must be a metal fan. And if you are a metal fan, you probably know who Trivium is. And if you know who Trivium is, you know what they sound like. And if you know what they sound like, then you either think they kick major ass, or they need their asses majorly kicked.

Damn it! I just wasted another half hour on this crap. Good thing it wasn't the only thing I was doing.

JUCIFER! w/ guests at The Mansion. KIngston, ON July 28, 2011

I knew the venue was small. There was no way I was going to miss this.

What I could have missed were the openers. The first act, An Optional Circus, didn't know what they wanted to do. There was such a mix of styles thrown together (with very obvious seams) that they just sounded like a band that was trying so hard not to be "something" that they ended up being nothing. At times they sounded like Pearl Jam, Incubus, The Tea Party, Our Lady Peace and at times almost heavy.  I almost got the impression the singer just paid the rest of the band to play whatever he told them to. I have trouble seeing 5 guys all having that same vision. The drummer was a beast though. I just concentrated on him.

The Sitcoms were a more likely opener for Jucifer led by the fact that it was just a singer/guitar and a drummer. But it really ends there. Very artsy, in a lack of structure kind of way. I don't recall much in the way of a solid riff anywhere. I felt like I was at a coffeehouse. Again, drummer was pretty cool.

Do I really need to tell you how Jucifer was?  If you know anything about the legendary, almighty Jucifer, then no. But, (gasp) there may be some poor souls who have yet to bathe in the glory of the Amp Wall. It was a scaled down amp wall on this night but it still blew other backlines (for full bands) out of the water.  I'm not super good with gear, or inches, but I'm assuming they were all 12". 3-4 X s, 2-10 X s, and 2-8 X s cabinets. All jacked in to 1 guitar. And that's just what they could fit on the stage! I could see a pile of cabs stacked up in behind the wall. I even think they were using them.  Despite the limitations of, in Edgar's own words, "the smallest stage I've ever been on" those that turned up to risk their auditory senses were assaulted in a way only Jucifer can deliver.

As the smoke rolled across the room, the lights were aglow in crimson red. A hooded and cloaked figure revealed herself through the haze. Edgar Livengood stood sentinel clutching four drumsticks in each hand. He waited as a blast of drone and doom riffage brought forth the demons that would transform his entity and that of Gazelle Amber Valentine from mere humans into the beast known as Jucifer.  With the transformation complete, Jucifer laid waste to a multitude of senses. Auditory, visual, sixth, and common sense were obliterated. Even touch could not escape the onslaught as the space reverberated under the weight of a set heavy on material from Throned in Blood. Amber played like a woman possessed. Relentless and bent on total destruction. Edgar mercilessly beat the living shit out of his drums as if they were a dog that ate his mother.

As the last cymbal crash faded, and the low thrum of the final riff droned on into the infinite, the captive audience was relieved of their virtual hypnosis only to find themselves forever changed. And a part of their soul will remain empty until Jucifer inevitably returns.

Arch Enemy - Khaos Legions

Album after album I try to like Arch Enemy but it just doesn't happen.  Khaos Legions is no exception. I have tried, unsuccessfully, to listen to it twice now and I can't make it more than 5 or 6 tracks in.  It's just not my thing. The whole thing just sounds so clean, polished and over-produced.  I'm not some kind of DIY purist or troo kvlt Black Metal devotee but I do lean towards albums that I can at least envision outside of a studio.

No one can doubt that Mike Amott is a very talented guitarist and songwriter. And there is also no doubt Angela Gossow has a serious set of pipes. But that doesn't make the album pleasing to me. A few years ago I was more impressed with the band due to the female "death metal" vocals. But it was more of a novelty than anything. Since then, I've been introduced to a plethora of extreme female vocalists that I find much more interesting/talented (Grace Perry, Kat Katz, Amber Valentine, Laura Pleasants, etc)

I think of Arch Enemy as metal for not quite metalheads. I wouldn't expect a Nickledick fan to like it but other than Gossow there isn't really much that is all that extreme about it. Melody abounds and there is really nothing wrong with that in and of itself but the way it's packaged in Khaos Legions just doesn't do anything for me.

There is obviously a market for this because they do sell lots of records. But you could look at it this way, Arch Enemy are like supermarket vegetables. All shiny and perfect and consistent and they look good on the shelf, ready for consumption by the mindless masses. But I prefer my veggies from the roadside stand. They might not look as nice, they might have some dirt on them, but you are more engaged with the farmer (music) and they have more flavour!

(Take this review, omit Angela Gossow and Mike Amott, swap band names and bam! My review of In Flames - Sounds of a Playground Fading)

To put this in perspective, after I pushed this away, I listened to Disma - Towards the Megalith. Nothing sterile about that.

More Wasted Bandwidth

I only have a couple duds for ya this week. Mostly because either it's pretty kickass (Exhumed, Origin, Vastum) or I haven't even listened to it yet (Sepultura, Arch Enemy and a shitload more).

 

Twisted Tower Dire: WHY DID I EVEN THINK I WOULD WANT THIS!? This reeks of big hair and spandex pants. I couldn't even make it past the first track, "Mystera". That title alone is horrible. The real tragedy here is I have to wait til I sync my iPod to get this garbage off of it.

 

I'm gonna take some heat for this next one.

 

40 Watt Sun - The Inside Room: I hear a lot of critics like this but it literally put me to sleep. I zoned right the fuck out. Without an oz of booze or any other chemical not composed of corn flakes.  Zoning out in itself is not a bad thing but if I wanted to, it would be to something that sounded better than Pearl Jam tuned down half a step, in slo-mo.  Boring as all get out. I was on track 3 before I realized I was still conscious.

 

Bonus! I forgot about this one.

 

Otep - Atavist: Same rehashed, whiny rap-metal that started to get stale quick after the debut EP. Whatever her name is (Otep Shimaya, I know) should just get into film instead. (wink wink) I kid. She does have a nice growl but this whole show is getting old. What I did make it through was better than the mess that was the last two albums though. I'll give it that.

 

Hey, you may love all 3 of these but I can'tbe bothered.

Barn Burner - Bangers II: Scum of the Earth (Metal Blade)

Sometimes a band sneaks up on you. That band that didn't really get tons of press. So instead of you seeking out that band, you just happened across them.  I saw Barn Burner as an opener for Kylesa. I thought they were alright but I was really focused on Kylesa so I didn't really give them a fair shake.  When I saw that they were coming back around, opening again, I checked out the debut album. That's when it hit me. Once I was able to focus on it, The full awesome slapped me in the face. "These dudes are pretty fuckin' rad!"

Fast forward to 2011. A year or so after Bangers became the fist vinyl I ever bought. (I'm a little behind on the retro format movement) I hear Metal Blade is releasing Bangers II: Scum of the Earth. Right.Fucking.On.Dude.

Bangers II makes the sophomore jinx look like a myth. In fact, it's probably better than their debut. It's a wonder these tour monsters even found the time to write and record 42 minutes of music, let alone music this good! The 10 tracks found within follow pretty much along the same stylistic lines as their predecessor without sounding like a rehash. While there's no doubt it's Barn Burner (thanks in no small part to vocalist Kevin Keegan's unique snarl) this isn't the kind of band you can get bored with.  Bangers II serves up a veritable riff-fest of stoner-thrash jams. They draw from the galloping rhythms of thrash and the swagger of stoner metal (much like fellow Canadians, Priestess) punctuated by the energy and attitude of punk.

As ripping as the album is, with the those nimble fingers dancing over the fretboard, the groove element keeps it at a pace that'll definitely keep you movin' but won't put you in traction. I've been trying to avoid using the word, but this album is "fun". I suppose that's something that tends to be lacking from a lot of metal these days. (At least good metal)  You can take the music seriously (please do) but it doesn't have to BE serious. How serious can it be with song titles like "Keg Stand and Deliver" and "Skid Marks The Spot"? Music is entertainment and it doesn't get more entertaining than Bangers II. Well, maybe their live show. It's what you need to see! I missed them last time they were in town. That's a mistake I won't make again. Especially since they'll be playing tracks from Bangers II: Scum of the Earth.

You heard it here: Canadian Release Of The Year.

This Week In Wasted Bandwidth

I'm going to try and start a weekly column here at Kingdom of Noise featuring some albums that I've recently "acquired" that more or less amount to a waste of bandwidth. Not to mention my time. Here we go!

 

Morbid Angel - Some Latin Words: Um.........What the fuck?! I understand if Dave and Trey wanted to step outside their comfort zone (our comfort zone?) and do something different. But that's what side/solo projects are for. They shouldn't have tainted the Morbid Angel name. I'm still waiting for the press release that says "Ha ha ha. Gotcha! We were just kidding. Here's the REAL new album." But sadly, I don't think that's the case. I don't get it.

 

In Solitude - The Devil. The Somethin'. The World.: I think that's the title anyway. I couldn't care less. I don't like Ghost either. Sue me.

 

Scar Symmetry - I'm Not Even Gonna Try To Remember The Title: I tried to listen to this a couple times but I can't make it past the second track. I have almost successfully blocked all memory of it from my mind. All I can remember is I think I don't like the vocal style. I dunno. I don't have time for this. I have to go see if the new Necrophagia is any good.

 

The Gates of Slumber - The Wretch

Once upon a time I remember really diggin' TGOS. I think Conqueror may have made my Top 10 in 2008. Then came '09s Hymns of Blood and Thunder and I thought, "What the hell happened?" To say I was less than impressed would be an understatement. So when I heard the The Wretch was supposed to be a regression, if you will, back to something closer to their old style, I was quite intrigued. I've listened to it twice now and I am starting to wonder what it was about Conqueror that I liked so much.

Basically, it sounds like these gatekeepers are wandering around looking for lost Black Sabbath riffs in St. Vitus County. They must be wearing cement shoes because it doesn't sound like they're getting anywhere. I like Doom (the genre) and I understand the pacing and what-not but that's not where the problem is. It doesn't seem to have much in the way of dynamics. It's like the album exists for its own sake and its fine with that. I'm not going to go the obvious route and say that it's Wretch-ed, because it's not. But it doesn't add any value to my "metal listening life." If I want to listen to Black Sabbath or St. Vitus, I'll go to my CD cabinet and pick my poison. It also proves that my "ANYTHING stoner rock/metal/doom is awesome!!!! Fu Manchu YEAH!!!" phase is truly over. (As if that waste of time masquerading as The Atomic Bitchwax - The Local Fuzz didn't prove that already.)

GRIIIIIIIIIND!!!!!

I'm feeling sort of uninspired as far as writing goes. But it's not that I haven't been listening to anything inspiring. Maybe it's more of a writer's block thing. And also, it may be that I've been listeing to a LOT of grind/grindcore lately and I don't really know how to write about grind.

So basically I'm gonna make this post a little "What's turnin' my crank lately"

Maruta - Forward Into Regression: Love the title. Need to see a lyric sheet. Loaded with loads of fucking sick riffs.

Despise You/Agoraphobic Nosebleed - And On And On: Slap me fuckin' silly with awesome. My first experience with Despise You is a good one.

Noisear - Subvert the Dominant Paradigm: The first 29 tracks are absolutely killer but I've yet to develop the patience for the ~30 min of noise that is the final track.

Gridlink - Orphan: All bow at the altar of Jon Chang.

Magrudergrind - Crusher EP: This is far too short. It's a big tease!!

Rotten Sound - Cursed: I love that tone! Finland doesn't just have good goaltenders. And they're Veggies too!

Trap Them - Darker Handcraft:I have to stop listening to this in the car. I can't sit still! I'm gonna kill someone!

Need to hear the new Phobia. Somebody hook me up!

www.twitter.com/MetalMatt_KofN

Subrosa - No Help For The Mighty Ones

It's not often that an album hits me with the kind of force that No Help For The Might Ones did. I had never heard their previous work and decided to check them out after seeing repeated tweets concerning the release of the album from label Profound Lore. Even before I hit the one minute mark in opener "Borrowed Time, Borrowed Eyes" I knew I was in for a glorious listening experience. The remaining 58 minutes did nothing to change that impression. Subrosa deliver what is generally considered a doom record but the addition of electric violins bowed by Sarah Pendleton and Kim Pack inject an element that allows No Help to transcend the typical genre restrictions. The almost horn-like tones of the violins weave their way in and out of the mix providing added depth to the already deep doom guitars of vocalist/guitarist Rebecca Vernon and bassist Dave "The Deuce" Jones. The result is a wall of sound that wraps around the listener in multiple layers of warmth.  Ironically, this doesn't lead to claustrophobic feeling. Quite the opposite. The deep texture creates and expansiveness that feels as if it encompasses all of creation.

"Borrowed Time, Borrowed Eyes" starts with a tone and riff reminiscent of Electric Wizard until the violins start in. It holds that heavy riff but the violins up the depressive factor with sorrowful overtones. It sets the mood for the entire album. Dark and heavy, triumphant and introspective. Instruments drop in and out as necessary and build upon each other in a series of peaks and valleys. Each song has a vocal passage that grabs hold and leaves and impression that lingers on the brain. Here, it's "How long must my journey go?"

"Beneath The Crown" features mournful violins over a two note drone which falls out as the vocals drift in and builds to a thunderous roar as the the band joins back in. The skittering violins and harsh male vocals make this the most violent sounding song on the album.

"Stonecarver" is the 11+ minute centrepiece of the album. The long intro consists of a serious plodding doom riff over some foreign language spoken word and spidery picked violin work. It continues to build and build til the 4:38 mark when it bursts into the triumphant "chorus". I catch myself randomly singing the "I've separated myself from the..." mantra. Could be my favourite vocal passage of the album. Also at this mark is when you can hear the heavy Kyuss influence. The fuzz tone is spot on. The song segues back into an introspective feeling mood helped by yet more brain lingering lyrics. The song ends with a HUGE sounding, harsh, repeated "there's no help for the mighty ones, now!" aided by more male background vocals. Epic.

"The Inheritance" is the song that means most to me. It's about a concern for the environment. The mood of the song is adequately mournful. Vernon sums it up best when she sings, "We're in the shadow of a dying world." The tinkling wind-up toy outro reminds me of childhood innocence and that it is the children and grandchildren of our generation that will pay for our ignorance.

"Attack on Golden Mountain" is a srsly doomy track mixed with an orchestral angle and choral vocals. There is an Americana feel as well. The violins sound almost like a soundtrack to the main story influencing the mood. The 9 minute length allows it to build, climax and come back down not once, but twice. Who needs short songs?

"Whipporwill" is another track that reminds me of Electic Wizard. As with most of the songs on No Help, it features soaring vocal harmonies that bring a tear to my eye regardless of if the message is sorrowful or forward-thinking. Great songs can do that.

"House Carpenter" is a captivating accapella version of a traditional Celtic folk song. It's a tragic tale of morality beautifully sung.

"Dark Country" encapsulates all the elements present on the record. Huge doom riffs, haunting vocals, part skittery part mournful violins puncuated by the thunderous drums of Zachary Hatsis and droning bass.

No Help For The Mighty Ones is an epic (dare I say, post-doom?) journey to the deepest parts of the soul. The multi-textured layers carry the listener through peaks and valleys of the highest highs and the most sullen lows. Thoughtful compostition and hypnotic use of repitition mesh with the interplay of the myriad stringed instruments. All punctuated by dynamic percussion and powerful female vocals. This has created a truly unique experience. Subrosa have carved themselves their own niche in the stoner/doom universe. While not the only band to utilize female vocals and classic strings in a heavy context, they have created a sound that is incomparable. It may be early, but 2011 will have a hard time topping No Help For The Mighty Ones.